November 18, 2016 – Day 10 P.E. (Post Election)
Putting the Nationalist Back in White . . . House
In a move the American Nazi Party deemed maybe a little too brash, President-elect Trump has chosen Steven Bannon as his Minister of Propaganda Chief Strategist. Steve Bannon is the executive chairman of Breitbart News which is, shall we say the paper of record, for white supremacy. He did an amazing job rebranding white supremacy as white nationalism which was later amazingly rebranded again as the Alt-Right and will soon be rebranded again as a support group for the melanin challenged. All of this is almost as troubling as his insistence on wearing button down shirts with shorts. For those of you unclear on what the Chief Strategist does, this was Karl Rove’s position, who incidentally is depressed to now be referred to as the nicer GOP Chief Strategist.
Our Steve Bannon fun fact of the issue — he has made and continues to make a ton of money from a small investment he made in the syndication rights to a little show about real dirt under the finger nails Americans, Seinfeld. No word if he is still upset about George taking his limo from the airport.
Where in the World is Rudy Giuliani?
Apparently impressed that Rudy has been to both Little Italy and Chinatown and likely would not bail out the Puerto Rican Day Parade if it ran out of money, Trump is rumored to be considering the man now known as “wasn’t he America’s Mayor before he went crazy?” to be America’s Secretary of State. The source of this rumor? Rudy Giuliani. When Rudy was asked by the press who would be the best pick for Secretary of State, he took the demeanor of bugs bunny dressed in drag, saying with a smile, “Maybe me, I don’t know.” It’s that sort of caginess that our country will depend on in complicated multi-party negotiations.
Other names under consideration are W. retread John “To Stop Iran’s Bomb, Bomb Iran” Bolton and Mitt “Trump is a con man, phony, and a fraud” Romney.
But Daddy, I Want The Nuclear Sub Locations Now!
So Donald has asked for Top Security clearance for three of his kids (poor Tiffany will have to do without her father’s love AND the names of our CIA agents) and his son-in-law Jared Kushner. This is ummm how do you say, unprecedented. Some reasons it’s bad:
- The kids are going to run the Trump business portfolio, which was already an obscene kleptocratic arrangement without them knowing things that no one else in the world knows.
- Ivanka vacationed this summer with Putin’s girlfriend, who is also Rupert Murdoch’s ex-wife. I’m 90% sure that is also a plot of a Bond movie.
- The country came to a halt and created the environment for Trump to be elected because the former Secretary of State had three emails on her private server that were kinda sorta classified. So having Don Jr instagram our troop movements will be great.
Oh and in case you were wondering, Paul Ryan, who said Hilary Clinton shouldn’t get security clearance if elected, very forcefully shrugged his shoulders at this request.
Quote of the Issue
“I think of voting as a chess move, not a valentine.”
– Rebecca Solnit
Millions Voted for President, But Who’s Counting?
For those scoring at home, Hillary has now 1 million more votes than the President-Elect and with California absentee ballots still coming in, she is a good bet to get over 2 million more.
Since as a country we’re not nailing projections at the moment, let’s say it’ll be 1.5 million. So what’s a measly 1.5 million votes in a huge country like ours?
Well, it more votes than Trump got in each of the following states: Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, Colorado, Connecticut, Delaware, DC (where he got only 4% of the vote), Hawaii, Idaho, Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maine, Maryland, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, Nebraska, New Hampshire, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Dakota, Oklahoma, Oregon, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Washington, Wisconsin, West Virginia, and Wyoming.
Oh but he did get 97,000 more votes combined in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania, so he wins. Go Electoral College, go! Before you get too high and mighty, this is where I’ll remind you that Trump won the white women vote 53% to 43%.
A Little Birdie Told Me
Featured Article of the Week
Autocracy Rules for Survival by Russia’s leading LBTQ Activist, Masha Gessen
We at The TrumpShaker know that unless you’re averting the eyes of a stranger on the subway or on a conference call, you probably don’t have time to read the whole article, so SPOILER ALERT here are the five rules for surviving an autocracy.
Rule #1: Believe the autocrat.
Rule #2: Do not be taken in by small signs of normality.
Rule #3: Institutions will not save you.
Rule #4: Be outraged.
Rule #5: Don’t make compromises.
Featured Article Runner-Ups
Farewell, America by Time Magazine’s Non-fiction book of the year winner, Neal Gaber
A Letter to Young Women: How We All Move Forward Together by former Obama Deputy Chief of Staff and current COO for Vice, Alyssa Mastromonac