Sessions Screws Seattle
– On Tuesday, Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III announced that cities that prevent Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) officers from entering their jails and/or don’t share information with ICE will lose federal funding. Here’s a complete list
of “sanctuary cities.”
(To Be Read in Borat Voice): “Coal is Niiice! High Five!”– Secretary of Energy Rick Perry’s super smart looking glasses didn’t help him avoid falling for a fake interview with the “Jerky Boys of Russia.”
(To Be Read in Gene Rayburn Voice): “Trump is So Crazy That . . .” – The American Psychoanalytic Association rescinded the “Goldwater Rule” which had prevented members from discussing the mental health of politicians.
Putin’ On a Show – Apparently excited by OJ’s upcoming parole, House Republicans are following his example and looking for the real killers. After Democrats on the House Judiciary Committee introduced a resolution to investigate Trump’s firing of James Comey, Republicans flipped that resolution and instead made it into a probe of the FBI’s investigation into Clinton’s email server. In a wonderful tirade, Representative Steve Cohen (D-TN) called the GOP’s actions “unbelievable.”
New Head of Government Ethics Not a Fan of Government Ethics – Since Eric Gordon from Billy Madison wasn’t available, Trump appointed David J. Apol as the new head of the Office of Government Ethics. Apol “has repeatedly clashed with colleagues over his career at the agency as he sought to roll back or loosen ethics requirements.”
As The Tяump Turns – In this week’s episode:
- Congress passed a veto-proof bill increasing sanctions on Russia which now awaits Trump’s signature.
- Jared Kushner testified to Congress behind closed doors this week regarding his numerous meetings with Russian officials that slipped his mind. He testimony was basically, “I am but a real-life Forrest Gump, who has an IQ of a 10-year-old but has somehow bumbled into international real estate development, marrying a celebrity, becoming a White House adviser, and managing the Middle East peace process. Box of chocolates, amirite?”
- Trump’s nominee to lead the Department of Justice’s criminal division, Brian Benczkowski, previously represented Alfa Bank. Alfa Bank is one of Russia’s largest and has ties to Putin. Also, the FBI investigated a Trump Organization server that had an “odd” direct connection to Alfa Bank. C’mon guys, this is insulting. Please at least try to hide the Russian influence.